Written by Olivia M Ojeda, February 2018
Slut shaming is neither helpful nor constructive. Personally being slut shamed recently by a “friend" of mine I have begun to relate to a lot of the characters in the books I’ve read lately. It also made me think of the psychology of it all. Why shame a friend for doing what makes her happy or content? Why control primal needs if taken care of responsibly. I think the works that are cited in this journal have hit the nail on the head and truly brought out the angel/whore dichotomy. In one woman’s lifetime we have all been on the side of either the whore or the angel at some point. Just like Shakespeare said “One man in his time plays many parts.”
In Sula by Toni Morrison we watch her grow into a young lady. Although her upbringing is not the most traditional she still has family surrounding her. While all of the women that have come before her, who’s blood runs in her veins, had high sex drives, the Bottom seemed to be rich in men only willing to satisfy those needs and not want anything more serious than that. And so, being surrounded by men who only want sex matched with women with a high sex drive I beg the question: what is a woman to do? Sula seemed to learn from these men that visited her mother and grandmother so frequently. She grew into a smart young lady who traveled the country for a time due to boredom and the same old song. Coming home she slept with her best friend Nel’s husband Jude. Nel was indeed a victim of this act. But then what was Sula? Jude certainly had a lot to do with this but yet he left without a fuss made by the bothered neighbors of the town.
“We’re all a little bit Madonna and a little bit Whore.” says Heidi Priebe, a personality psychology writer. Her article for Thought Catalog goes on to examine the weird categories we put each other in when we date. “The Madonna-Whore complex is hopelessly outdated as a theory but so are our views on dating. We give each other advice like “Don’t sleep with them on the first date,” “Don’t admit how many partners you’ve had,” and “Don’t text unless he texts first.” Be the Madonna, not the whore. Be the docile, most repressed version of yourself. It’ll win you the respect of the person you’re trying to date.” We have all done this, especially when speaking amongst friends. We put our dates or significant others into a category. But what about the people like you and me who don’t fit these categories? I am an independent, well educated, funny, quirky, and yes, highly sexual woman! I also want love and sex, real passionate sex, to go into the same “basket”. I am not a whore and I am not an angel. I am me.
Slut shaming is a biased attack against women. Men don’t feel the shame brought about by friends when you have slept with five men in the last five months. Instead they are celebrated by their friends and family for being such a stud. On the other hand, when I speak of bringing a man home in contrast to the other man I brought home last month I am told that it “doesn’t sound good”, that it makes me look like a whore. Or better yet I put a sexy photo of myself on social media and a “friend” leaves the comment “slut” with smiling emojis as if shaming me brings about a smile on her face. Edna St. Vincent Millay once wrote a poem about a woman who was neither “noble nor complex”. She was an independent woman who enjoyed sex. She had her own apartment and with that her own nosy neighbors with their “long necks” talking and judging her. She brought home different men and was a promiscuous woman. “I too beneath your moon, almighty Sex, Go forth at nightfall crying like a cat, Leaving the lofty tower I laboured at”.
Yet we are still here. We are taking on roles that have been handed down to us and somewhat forced upon us. Societal roles of women are still not yet free as male roles are. Like in Sula, Calixta of Kate Chopin’s short story The Storm has passionate sex with a taken man. She too is married and has a child. But the passion ignites them and they give in to temptation forgetting if only for a moment that they both have significant others they have promised their lives to. And like Sula, Calixta is labeled as the whore. Not Jude, and not Alcée; just the women. Jude leaves his home and his family and Alcée leaves on his horse but yet they are not branded. They are not made out to be a whore. What are they? Well... they are men. Sula has sex with a taken man, and Calixta too. But yet they are branded. They are no longer women. What are they? Well... they are whores. In conclusion these societal bonds should be broken, and lives being lived should be done so freely.
Works Cited
Morrison, Toni. Sula. Vintage International, 1973.
Millay, Edna St. Vincent, and Colin Falck. I Too Beneath Your Moon Almighty Sex. Edna St. Vincent Millay selected poems: the centenary edition. American Printing House for the Blind, 1997.
Priebe, Heidi. “Here Is What A Madonna-Whore Complex Looks Like In 2015.” Thought Catalog, Thought Catalog, 29 June 2015, thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/here-is-what-a-madonna-whore-complex-looks-like-in-2015/.
Chopin, Kate, et al. The complete works of Kate Chopin. Louisiana State University Press, 2006.
Shakespeare, William. As You Like it. Penguin Books, 2017.
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