A Short Memoir of Suicide
Written by Olivia M Ojeda, August 2018
We would have figured it out by now, you and me. Growing pains would be a thing of the past; a past that we will have built upon. Our sunsets would still be our sunsets, and the autumn nights with street lamps glowing down the neighborhood; We would have owned those nights. We would say goodbye at dusk, and hello at dawn, and the thought of missing you would be a bad dream. I wouldn’t search for you in the stars, and tears wouldn’t follow the memory of your laughter.
But “live on” you say, when we meet in the night. Through tears I tell you I’m afraid to leave you there, in the past. You laugh and reflect, “But I’m gone… you can’t stop living because I’m not there.” Promising me we will see each other again I settle the argument, "Ok…I love you. It’s important to me that you know that”. But your smile… oh that smile! “I know…I love you too. But you can’t suffer because of my absence. Don’t do that to yourself," you urge.
In the beginning that was the hardest part, the thought of you only being a memory. The idea that one day, no matter how hard I try, you will only live on in my thoughts. No more new jokes, no more midnight calls, and no more future with you in it. What brilliance you brought me, O benevolent friend of mine. A light that is fading now and will only dim more as the hours pass. In my last, I will search for you, and with the patience and hope of Dantes, I hope I find you again.
For anyone needing help or having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255
Comments